Solitary Confinement

Day to day life as a married couple brings with it the perennial challenge of figuring out how to show up. For Marcia and I, not showing up eventually results in a show-down. I’m pretty adept at not showing up emotionally or energetically. If I don’t pay attention I can become ghostlike. 

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Out of Hiding

We humans put a lot of energy into making it seem that we have our act together a lot more than we actually do. We hide what we believe is unacceptable. We believe we are alone in our particular problem. Nowhere is this more evident than what goes on between two people in a relationship.

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Listening to Criticism

There’s no way around this one. You cannot avoid being criticized. Embedded in the fiber of human relationship is the impulse to criticize each other. It is as if there is this egocentric epicenter within each one where we imagine that others should conform to our sense of how they ought to be. Most of our own criticisms of others and theirs of us fly under the radar. Unspoken and unnoticed, by present nonetheless. 

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Microaggressions

For those of you who practice relationship therapy, you are well aware of the indignities partners can foist on one another, even in the context of a session. All of us have been around couples in social situations where the animosity is palpable. On such occasions we feel like we are in a “tension convention.” 

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