The Creative Couple

“Make the journey out and in…"
The Moody Blues

couples-05 Marriage typically takes us down one of two paths. First is the heavily traveled route of safety, comfort and routine. Here couples tend to sink into habits and patterns that breed such familiarity that they can pretty much predict each other's behaviors. Over the course of time such couples stop growing and become more or less content with what they have. Down the second path, the road less traveled, lies the way of the Exceptional Marriage. These couples have learned to utilize their relationship as a source of inspiration, creativity and adventure. Each partner inspires in the other a desire and a belief in fulfilling their respective potentials. In this article we want to identify the attributes of the creative couple and what makes them that way.

So many people are drawn to the idea of marriage because they believe that together they can create a wonderful life. But too often they take the wrong fork in the road and slowly forget about their shared visions. There was a recent radio ad which informed us that the average adult vocabulary stops growing by the age of 25. Well, likewise, the average married couple loses their creativity probably after five years or so.

The way we see it, every person is gifted with an enormous well-spring of creative energy. This energy, or life force, can take many forms. Singing, dancing, writing, and painting are more familiar examples. But creative energy is probably infinite in its variation. Landscaping, carpentry, donut making, software design, listening, childrearing, leading, organizing, and shooting a ball through a hoop are all ways of expressing our creativity.

Additionally, creativity is expressed in how two partners grow together. The Exceptional Marriage encourages creativity through its insistence on self expression. In relationship this means that the more open, honest, vulnerable and emotionally available we are, the greater the creativity. Life force is freed up when we are able to break free of defended, limiting interactions with our partners. Sadly, most spouses conspire to send their creativity into hibernation. In subtle (and not so subtle ways) couples undermine each other's creative potential through fear, competitiveness and a resistance to change.

Creativity always involves risk. Sometimes the risk is to our ego as we try to express ourselves in new and unfamiliar ways, be it artistically or emotionally. Sometimes the risk is a more practical one, say financial or physical--For example, the risk involved in a couple deciding to build their own dream home, change their livelihoods, or devote more time to an important cause. The creative couple will gladly take such risks knowing the reward makes it worthwhile. In fact, this is exactly what they see life being about!

In our own case, Marcia and I decided back in 1983 to sell our home, quit our jobs and travel across country with no definite destination. The risks to career and security were apparent but the rewards were immeasurable. The trip challenged us to try new things, to explore our limits, and to rely on each other more deeply. We realized that we were not just exploring the country but our own creative potential as well. There's a favorite Moody Blues song of ours that says "You gotta make the journey out and in."

Creative couples look at risk and uncertainty as possibility rather than as problem. Their creativity involves seeing opportunity over danger. This is true for both the "journey out," (where theychoose to create a home, what livelihood they pursue, what creative mediums they explore) and the "journey In," (how they take risks with each other, sexual expression, breaking out of habitual interactions). This, we believe, is what marriage is meant to be - the ultimate opportunity to rise above our self-imposed limits and find the fullness of life.

We would like to end this article by giving you some simple creativity enhancing suggestions.

1. Each partner, on your own, creates a clear vision of what you would like your shared life to look like in 5 years - 10 years. Address these areas: home life, work, pleasure, travel, and friends.

2. Buy a book and read it aloud to your partner.

3. Ask for something you want clearly and without demand.

4. Tell each other something you would like sexually that you never tried before. Try it.

5. Taste a new food. Try new places to eat.

6. Stand on opposite sides of the bed and for 3 minutes make loud noises at each other - let it get primitive.

7. Observe something creative in your partner that usually goes unnoticed.

8. Buy the game Cranium and invite another couple over, or play it with your kids.

9. Change your hair or buy clothes that fall outside of your habitual style.

10. Take a drive together with no destination and discover new places.

11. Think about what it would be like to start a business together.

12. Tell your partner your dreams.